It happens to everyone. Well, it happens to all guys. Well, it happens to all guys who date. Maybe it happens to girls, but I haven’t been out on enough dates with guys to be able to speak from experience – but I digress.

You go out for a good time with your lady of choice and, as all perceptive daters have figured out, that means keeping your lady well fed (they find you less enjoyable when they’re hungry). So you work a meal into your plans and sit down to refuel the lady’s “He’s not so bad” juices only to find that she’s not eating much! You’re trying to keep yourself from eating off her plate but getting more and more worried that she’s going to want you to take her home early. She says she’s full and she says she couldn’t possibly eat all that, but you know there’s no way she could top off with a few bites of salad and half a glass of water.

Well, gentlemen, mystery solved. We thought she was concerned about looking like a pig. We thought she was concerned about her figure. We may have even thought she was on some sort of crazy, self-deprecating diet. The truth is, she was building brain power and developing strong neural connections.

Yea, that’s right. Maybe she’s been studying all week. Maybe there’s a test coming up. Maybe she really wants to remember what a great time she’s having (okay, that’s a stretch). It could be any number of things. The point is, while she’s sitting there longing to take a bite of the food in front of her she’s building the capacity to remind you of everything you’ll ever do wrong between now and the graduation of your youngest child.

“What?! That makes no sense”, you say? It’s true. Some scientists published a paper last year (I’d link to it, but it’s in one of those databases you need to log into and I’m not sure how to do that. Just take my word for it). Seems like being hungry triggers a hormone (or something) that builds a stronger and more well-connected brain. They think is has something to do with our hunter-gatherer ancestors and the need to use their heads to get food.

“No, no no. We don’t care about that. How does this explain super-models?”

Oh … hmm … good point. Super-models and movie stars seem to be the biggest followers of the “I’m not hungry” diet. It stands to reason that they should leading the nation in intelligence – and yet I wonder.

Maybe they know something we don’t.

Anyway, at least I have a solid reason for not eating lunch at school. It’s got nothing to do with my frugality. It’s got nothing to do with the massive debt I’ve built up for myself. I’m just maximizing my chances at educational success.

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