I went to the temple yesterday. It was the first time I had ever really been by myself. Usually I go because the Ward is going, or because someone is going to get married, or go on a mission. Ever since the first time, I guess I never really went for me.

I didn’t see anyone there that I knew, which was nice. I may have seen the guy sitting next to me at the Alamo Ward before, but I didn’t bother asking. I wasn’t there to talk to anyone but God.

It felt nice being there, and really paying attention. I don’t remember feeling tired, even though it felt like I was there for a long time.

What I really wanted was to sit down and ponder and pray at the conclusion of everything. I don’t know how long I sat, but it was much longer than I ever had before. When you go with people, no one wants to be the last one out – the one that everyone’s waiting for before they go home. When you go alone you don’t have to leave until you’re ready.

I read some scriptures that I had read earlier in the day. I found myself sticking around even though I was done. I felt good. I felt peace. I thought I would have to stay longer, think more, pray more and read more in order to feel that, but it came easier than I expected. I guess I just wanted to keep that feeling as long as I could before I left the building and made the cold drive back to my hotel room.

I don’t feel the same way anymore. I find myself doubting the clarity of last night. I have to remind myself that this is the place where fears can get the better of me as the pressures of the world creep in from all sides. This is the place that wants me to forget how I felt last night.

It’s my job to remember. When the doubt closes in around me and I am tempted to give up my resolve I need to remember what it was I felt when everything was so clear.

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